![]() ![]() I am having yet another one of those moments where I feel SO sad for Obi-Wan and yet I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD. HE IS ALREADY SO DONE WITH LIFE, AND NOTHING ESPECIALLY BAD HAS EVEN CANONICALLY HAPPENED TO HIM YET EXCEPT FOR HIS HAIR. Qui-Gon pops up and looks around, and please let me take a moment to just…really SAVOR Obi-Wan’s facial expression here, which he makes like 17 additional times in this movie: Victory! Things just sort of fall into place like that in this universe! It’s totally a good idea to count your chickens before they’ve hatched!īack with the Jedi Duo I Am Now Realizing I Should Come Up With a Dumb Nickname For (Team…Space Nerd? Team… Also Handsome, But Kinda In a Different Way? Team SOMEONE PLEASE KNIGHT OBI-WAN ALREADY SO HE CAN HAVE A REAL HAIRCUT? So many options to consider…), the boys and Jar Jar have made their way through the Sea of Monsters to the surface of Naboo, and things are looking fan-cy!: They’ve captured the Queen! Everything’s going so well! Clearly this means… Recurring Theme: … Nope!Īfter Padme finishes treating us all to the latest in the seemingly endless series of scenes I’ve recapped where someone stares dramatically out a gigantic window while having Feelings, we see the Trade Federation dudes getting off a ship nearby. Sure seems like our friends have a lot on their plates! They couldn’t possibly have more thrown at them! They certainly do not have time to contend with, say, a supernaturally-gifted child who is going to add 150% more chaos into their lives! But I’m getting ahead of myself, clearly. She’s very worried about keeping her planet from dissolving into war with the Trade Federation (who, we learn, have some sort of Shadowy Alliance with a Mystery Sith.) Not to worry, though - our girl Padme’s got all sorts of solid allies in her corner, like kindly old man/Naboo Senator Sheev Palpatine, who totally has no idea why the negotiations with the Trade Federation aren’t going so well. Tangled up in all of this is the Queen of Naboo, Padme Amidala, who is running a planet for some reason at an age when I was largely preoccupied with blowing all my money on CDs at the mall. At the conclusion of our last entry, Qui-Gon had swindled his way into getting access to a submarine using Wacky Jedi Mind Powers, and the three of them had just narrowly escaped getting eaten by underwater space monsters. ![]() As we all know, though, killing a Jedi –especially these two - often proves a lot harder than it looks, so they had eventually escaped and managed to cross paths with one Jar Jar Binks, about whom no one in the Star Wars fandom has ever had an opinion. Last time, in the episode that depressingly won’t even turn out to be remotely the most upsetting part of Obi-Wan’s life, Obi-Wan and his space dad Qui-Gon Jinn were sent to Naboo on what sounded like an incredibly boring mission to stop a trade route blockade, which turned out to almost conclude 35 seconds later with both of them getting poisoned. ![]() I’m glad to be back! Today on Snark Wars, we head back to the saga, a place where, unlike the EU, everything is always super normal and always makes total sense hahahahahaHA. Welcome back, readers, and thank you for your patience during my short end-of-summer hiatus. Star Wars, Episode I: The Phantom Menace (Part II) ![]()
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